Team Awards 2006

10 of 16 players have submitted their voting forms. Players were given one rule: no voting for yourself. The number of votes tallied in each category will sometimes be less than 10, sometimes more; some players left a category or two blank, and some voted for two players in one category, which, unlike last season, was within the voting rules. Entries are listed in order of most-votes to least-votes, with the total number of votes, if more than one, in brackets.

Here are the results...


Most Competitive Player

• Robin (6)
• Kelly (2)
• Christopher
• Clayton
• Scott

Most Improved Player

• Jeffrey (3)
• Rodney (2)
• Bradley
• Robert - "that guy used to be all kinds of terrible!"
• Scott
• Tyler

Most Likely To Show Up To A Game Hungover

• Christopher (4)
• Ryan (4)
• Clayton (2) - "obviously"
• Rodney

Best Defensive Player

• Robert (4)
• Clayton (2)
• Jeffrey (2)
• Kelly
• Robin

Best Clutch Hitter

• Clayton (6)
• Robin (2)
• Jeffrey
• Scott

Best Sportsmanship

• Kelly (3)
• Robert (3)
• Rodney (2)
• Adam
• Enrique
• Jeffrey

Funniest Player

• Bradley (5) - "on a dance floor"
• Jeffrey (2)
• Robert (2) - "in writing"
• Christopher

Most Peculiar Injury
("It’s interesting enough that you created this category – we had that many injuries.")

• Josh's punching metal rod and breaking hand - exact same manner that Chris broke his hand (4)
• Sabres pitcher's arm (2)
• Aaron's popped knee
• Bradley blowing out his knee playing frisbee 3 years ago
• Lee's arm
• Scott bailing on third

Unsung Hero

• Jeffrey (6)
• Enrique (2)
• Ryan

Play Of The Year

• "Dirty [Tyler] Sanchez" "making his superman debut in left field" (7)
• Christopher's game ending catch in the semi-finals
• Clayton's sliding catch of a foul popup
• Robert - "you've had too many. Pick one."

Grittiest Player

• Kelly (3)
• Josh coming back from broken hand (2)
• Robin (2)
• Ryan (2)
• Clayton

Most Valuable Player

• Clayton (7)
• Christopher
• Robin

[editor: But where's Pooh?]


Best Quote

• Kelly: "Man, we're gonna get smoked!" (2)
• Pick any one of Brad's classic cheers (2)
• Clayton: "I sometimes do a #2 in urinals"
• Jeffrey: "Jazz Hands"
• Leaverd: "Is it okay if I leave?" (seventh inning of the semi-final game)
• "He really HF'd that one"

Sexiest Batting Stance

• Kelly's "shimmy" (3)
• Jeffrey (2)
• Leaverd (2)
• Clayton
• Scott
• "We're the sexiest team in the LMBA"

Song That Best Represents This Season

• Backstreet Boys: "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)"
• Britney Spears: "Oops!... I Did It Again"
• Garth Brooks: "Friends In Low Places"
• Metallica: "Turn The Page"
• The Ohio Players: "Love Rollercoaster"
• U2: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
• The Wedding Song

Exclusive Ensemble

All the exclusives, all in one post. Links to them at least. In chronological order:

Enrique -- Josh -- Jeffrey -- Kelly -- Adam -- Rodney -- Robin -- Clayton -- Robert -- Bradley

There have been a handful of award submission forms returned. We're hoping to get a few more before the deadline of noon tomorrow. As we said, the results will be posted by, uhhhh.. 4pm Sunday. Okay okay, we originally said noon Sunday, but an unexpected offer of Sunday morning brunch came our way, and believe you me, we're not ones to turn down crepes. Therefore, the results will be posted either sometime Saturday night or after brunch on Sunday. Once they're posted, an email will be sent to all Indians, all Surrey Indians that is, and the other couple thousand of our readers will just have to keep checking in.. Trust us, from what we've seen so far, it'll be worth the hourly check-in.

To the several Indians who haven't emailed in your entries: email in your entries!!

September 10 2006

We were that close (we touched it).

It was definitely a beautiful day for a doubleheader. 'Tis a shame only one game was scheduled. At least it was the championship game, that kind of made it okay that we were only playing one game. In the end though, we would have liked to have played a best-of-seven, like the big boys do when it's playoff time. Even a best-of-three would have suited us fine. However many best-ofs until we are crowned champions. I think we even had it in us to do a best-of-one-hundred-and-thirty-nine. Et toi, Sabres?

The Sabres sure did bring their bats to the game. We'd become used to our pitchers being able to shut down the opposition, allowing just a few hits here and there. On this day, however, the Sabres jumped on our pitching early, driving hits to all fields. We kept pace early on, thanks in part to Jeff and Enrique's back-to-back extra base hits. We think we heard Jeff saying that it was his first career triple. Kudos Jeff; well-timed.

There was nothing really that stood out as reasons why they won or reasons why we lost. It was a well-fought game and in the end they had more runs on the scoreboard. A few more timely hits, and a few less baserunning errors, on our part and maybe, just maybe... Suppose we can play the what if game all off-season.

To the Sabres pitcher: Get well soon.

That's about it. If anyone else has anything to add, more specifics for the absent RobE perhaps, you're more than welcome to chatter. For mental health reasons, we can't get more specific about the Sabres' pitcher; we've said too much already and we're getting lightheaded again. Clay can tell you about it.

The team awards submission forms have been emailed out; results will be posted here by Sunday noon at the latest. In the meantime, check out the videos found on the left sidebar. We got our hands on some good footage taken during Sunday's game.

Bradley: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Bradley Cumiskey: The closest watering hole with the team

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

BC: Cleaning the waffle iron in my skivvies

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

BC: my wife.

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

BC: my wife.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

BC: Cynthia f*#king Voo

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

BC: Come up with the best pre-game cheer.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

BC: The Red Menace

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

BC:

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

BC: Raging Bull

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

BC: Casablanca

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

BC: Chillaxing

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

BC:

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

BC: snake bit with the bat
with resolve the hits will come
if not, I just bunt

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

BC: I would throw it back, and use the publicity to make more money than I ever could selling the ball. I would release a book titled "Why I threw it back," and try and be really charming and marketable on the morning talk show circuit. I'll further make a name for myself by making fun of Matt Lauer while on the Today Show.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

BC: Comedies.

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

BC: Al Einstein, Willy Shakespeare, Izzy Newton, & Leo DaVinci.

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

BC: The Phillipines. I've heard so much, I would love to go.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

BC: George Bush after a bath.

Clayton Edger

There are no *s around Clay's name because it's not a video. We're here to tell you about Macula's big gig this weekend. Actually, who better to tell you than Clay himself. Here's the mic Clay...

Hey guys. Saturday, September 2nd at the Lamplighter on Abbott St. in Gastown is going to be the venue for our first show with our new singer. You will not be able to tell by our performance that it's our first. We've been practicing like 4 times a week for the past 3 months. We're definitely planning on making a career out of this.

Three of the four other bands playing that night are also really kickass... the promoter has told us that there are going to be labels there to check out the band that's on second. Obviously these guys would want to check out who's headlining (us) and it could be a REALLY big night for us if we get good crowd support. It's unheard of for a band to get signed at their first show but you can always hope right? Anyways, thanks in advance to anyone deciding to come out and support.

Cheers,
Clay

August 27 2006

Now that was a game.

In between our epic pre-game cheer (a compilation of previous cheers, a "best-of", if you will, with a shout-out to newlywed Kelly - congrats!) and the final out, there was much drama, much excitement, much heartache, and, finally, much celebration. Okay okay, so much of the "much celebration" happened immediately after the final out.. there was still a bit of much celebration after Rod laid down a pressure bunt in the eighth. We'll get to that later. First...

The other semi-final had just concluded, so we knew the finals would be the Sabres vs winner of Biscuits/Indians(us!). The game started well for us. Lee started on the mound, and he was on. And we mean on. Two thumbs up on; Chris can vouch for that. Bottom of the first we got on the scoreboard quicksmart. Two walks to start it off, and then Redge smoking a triple to right-centre.

From there, we kinda coasted, and some details escape us. We do know that Lee had 9 Ks through 4 innings. That's right, 9 of the 12 outs had come via the strikeout. Can't remember how he did in the fifth inning. Perhaps a nice little pixie will come along and enlighten us. Despite Lee's dominance, we couldn't take a strangle hold on the game. We had a 3-1 lead extended to 6-1, and promptly blew that, due to some sketchy fielding and timely Biscuit hitting. They scored one run in the seventh, and then four in the eighth. The Biscuits' bench became more animated with each run scored, and as the tying run came across there were loud cries of "it's a whole new ballgame!" Simmer down lads, simmer down...

Bottom of the eighth was small-ball time. Leadoff man Ryan got on, and stole second. We think the catcher overthrew second and that's how Ryan got to third, but we may be confusing that with another play. At any rate, Ryan was on third, Rod was at the plate, and the squeeze was the plan. The pitch was low, the bat pulled back, and Ryan scampered back to third. The infielders came in for the next pitch, squeeze was called again, and Rod laid down a beauty. The pitcher came home with it but it wasn't even close. We tacked on two more after that, for insurance's sake, and for vanity's sake. The game was in the bag. Or was it?

Top of the ninth the Biscuits loaded the bases. The sacks were juiced. Two outs. A triple would tie the game. A double may tie the game. A single probably wouldn't tie the game. Heeeeeeerrrre's the pitch. It's a liner right at Chris. He snowcones it. This game is ovah.

See alls y'all at the finals. Date and time and place is TBA. Hmmm, after typing that last sentence we checked the Sabres' website. According to them the date of the final is September 10. Time and place is still TBA.

* Kelly Grace *

We tried to embed this video but not only did it not work, it also made Brad's video not work. Therefore...

Click here for Groovin' Kelly at Google Video

Robert: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Robert Aubertin: Anywhere that I can have a sit and a cola

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

RA: Walking the dogs

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

RA: My blueberry muffin recipe

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

RA: Laugh and cry simultaneously

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

RA: The absence of spelling bees at my school.

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

RA: To play a role in the Indians' championship.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

RA: Trickster Coyote

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

RA: Off the top of my head, Douglas Adams, because of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

RA: Caddyshack

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

RA: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

RA: Taking kids and dogs for a hike

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

RA: All my secrets have equal deepness and darkness.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

RA: Five years old, lost teeth
Used to be an infielder
Where's my hitting gone?

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

RA: Quickly throw it close enough to Bonds so that the lightning strike evaporates both Bonds and the ball. Game continues as if nothing happened. No one ever utters Bonds's name again.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

RA: Fairly equal, maybe comedies a bit more

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

RA: Andy Kaufman, Bo Jackson, Kirk McLean, and Keri Russell

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

RA: Portugal, specifically Açores, because it's Sandra's home country and it looks beautiful in photos.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

RA: A masochist is a person who likes to take a cold shower in the morning; so they take a hot one!

August 13 2006

Sunday's game saw the return of a couple of players fresh off the DL, as our nine-player roster streak ended. Welcome back Josh and Rod; howzabout you keep the punching of metal objects and the faceplanting into trees to a minimum from here on out?

Twas a tight match for the first half of the game. Neither us nor the Brewers could get much going offensively. They at least had Chris to blame. We had no one, and nothing, to blame, except for our sky-high expectations of ourselves which forced us to overswing at pitches which should have been driven much harder than they were actually driven.

The fielding was suspect on both sides. Perhaps the sun is at fault, but there were several pop-ups, flyballs, and foul balls that could have been caught by a little leaguer. Or your mom, your pick.

We loved Lee striking guys out on called third strikes with loopers to end all loopers. They were bailing out onto their asses as the ump punched them out. Nice touch: their coach calling them "chicken sh*ts" both during the at-bat, and while they were doing their walk of shame to the dugout. Not not-loud either.

Highlight of the game goes to Brad. Not for his batting, which was impressive unto itself, but for his idiosyncratic cheering. He had the entire Indians roster, as well as our fan section of the grassy hill, cracking up on several occasions. Wish we could write more about it, but it truly is something you have to see/hear for yourself. His regalement after one of Lee's looping Ks could prove to be the number one highlight of this season. Video footage excluded.

Final score: 9-3 (according to the Brewers website.. can't remember if that's correct or not)

Question for you: On the standings website, doesn't PCT stand for winning percentage? Why then does Newton have a higher winning percentage if we have one more win than Newton in the same number of games? Turned into two questions; double the fun, half the calories.

Clayton: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Clayton Edger: Probably have to be that corner near whalley ballpark where my girlfriends hang out

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

CE: SLEEPING! DON'T CALL!

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

CE: my sega genesis

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

CE: Steroids

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

CE: I was six years too old for the competition

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

CE: My baseball goal for this baseball season as a baseball player would have to be to just play baseball as well as any baseball player could play baseball and not let the bad baseball games get me down but to feed off the good baseball games that happen this baseball season...baseball. (that's 10!)

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

CE: Clay the wrestler.

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

CE: Hugh Hefner. He doesn't own any clothes that aren't pyjamas.

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

CE: Fever pitch

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

CE: Wedding Crashers

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

CE: Waking up hung over after a Macula sell out concert at GM place, in time to warm up for the game with the Indians

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

CE: I sometimes do a #2 in urinals.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

CE: Hit as a lefty
But I throw with my right
This question too hard!

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

CE: Throw it at his head and kick him in the pouch.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

CE: comedies

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

CE: Kurt Cobain, Maynard James Keenan, Brandon Boyd, and my Melissa.

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

CE: Iraq because I've been told it's a blast.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

CE: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

* Bradley Cumiskey *

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present to you the world premiere of Dance-Machine Brad. Watch it on the screen below, or click the link underneath the screen.



Click here for Dance-Machine Brad at Google Video

Robin: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Robin Edger: The India Bistro

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

RE: Laying on the beach at English Bay with my wife.

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

RE: 2 billion dollars

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

RE: Faint.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

RE: The word 'elevator'. No joke, actually happened.

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

RE: Same as every other year: win it all.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

RE: 'The Edge'.

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

RE: Tough one. I have a lot of admiration for philanthropists and people who are just generally trying to make the world a better place. Bill Gates, Bono, and Jeffry Sachs come to mind.

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

RE: Field of Dreams. You know why.
[editor: cuz Kevin Costner is sexy like you?!]

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

RE: Tough one. I'm going with 12 Monkeys.

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

RE: Wake up; go play baseball with the Surrey Indians; go straight to the hospital after the game and begin the 6-day recovery process.

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

RE: I don't want to get into specifics, but lets just say his name is Rob Aubertin.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

RE: a few decent years
then an mvp season
now, ride off my rep

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

RE: Spit on it. Wipe it off. Then sell it.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

RE: Comedies.

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

RE: Socrates, Socrates' translator, Pierre Trudeau, Lee Harvey Oswald (I gotta know).

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

RE: France. I'd get to practice my French, and I'd get to enjoy all the culture.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

RE: A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and says, "You have a drink called Steve?"


[editor: apologies for lack of images. but blame blogger.]

July 23 - August 6 2006

Yeah yeah yeah. We know we're a little behind in the whole blog-posting department. FYI, this is a nonpaying gig and it's been a busier than normal summer, so three words for ya: Get over it. Now that we've got that unpleasantness behind us, let's get to it...

On July 23rd we could barely assemble a barely cognizant crew to face the inept Playaz. It was the day after RobE's wedding (congrats!), and we had to call him up to get him on the field as our ninth player. Luckily it was a night game, as we don't think an early morning call would have gone over well. ("But we realllllly need you dude.. c'mon, did your priorities get skewed overnight?") We recently heard that his bride watched The Notebook alone while her hubby played. Sad, but not as sad as forfeiting to the Playaz would have been. Kudos RobE, you've got Indian blood in ya.

The game was not so much a game as a glorified BP session. Final score was 21-1, as we collected 14 hits, six of which going for extra bases, and tallied a remarkable 18 base on balls. Good eye, Indians, good eye. Perhaps BP, in this case, stands for Batting Patience. After a season long slump, also-recently-married RobA (congrats!) pounded out five hits, including two doubles, and scored four times while knocking in three. The pitching was exceptional, including five strong innings from Ratty, and surprise performances by Clay and Kelly.

Our next game on the schedule was an August 2nd midweek rematch against the Playaz. Unfortunately, we learned in the days prior that the Playaz forfeited that game, as they were folding for the season. Sad news, as they seemed to get enough players out to the games by gametime.

Next up: the Sabres, a formidable opponent. The August 6th game was our second straight with just 9 players. Injuries and holidays were taking a toll on our roster, which we won't harp on about cuz we still manage to notch plus-ones in the win column, this time a 10-2 victory.

Highlights from this game:

• Clay's 5 stolen bases (17 in 11 games - yowzers!)
• Lee's 5 solid innings pitched, averaging a K an inning.
• The win.

With one more game on the sked (Sunday the 13th vs the Brew Crew), let's keep this wagon wheel going right into the playoffs. Who are we kidding, we've already played that game. Stay tuned for a post on that game after a post or two of CC Exclusives.

Rodney: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Rodney Wingrove: first my fridge than my sofa

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

RW: either hiking or mountain biking and sometimes nursing a hangover

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

RW: my spot on the indians roster

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

RW: buy a video camera to film everything

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

RW: I could only spell swear words I got susspandid

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

RW: to pitch a no hitter

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

RW: Mr. Tickle-Pants

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

RW: My father good athlete good person and a great dad

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

RW: Major League

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

RW: Kobe Tai vs. Jenna Jameson or Hot and Ready Vol. #6

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

RW: Playin ball with the over 40s Indians

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

RW: I think Scott Sibley has a great ass

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

RW: Really want to hit
but Im sitting on the bench
please put me in coach

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

RW: Probably sell it than pay all the pitchers in the majors to throw at him

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

RW: I like scary comedies

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

RW: Kevin Cash, Vernon Wells Alex Rios and Pat Borders

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

RW: England lots of historical sites, football and beer

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

RW: Why is 6 scared of 7? because 7 8 9 (ouch is this thing on?)

Adam: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Adam Fischer: The Jon B, but I have to find a new one in Surrey.

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

AF: Hydrating

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars. 1 billion dollars?

AF: There's very little you can't buy back with 1 billion dollars. 2% annual interest on 1 billion is 20 mil/year income. You'd be crazy not to sell.

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

AF: Learn how to hit.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

AF: There were no spelling bees, only tests. I dominated the tests, though.

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

AF: Try not to throw out my arm.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

AF: Slick Rick

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

AF: Naslund because he's Naslund.

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

AF: Major League

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

AF: Beavis and Butthead Do America

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

AF: Porche, Autobahn. I hope.

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

AF: I'm absolutely wasted on coffee right now. Strong cup.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

AF: Baseball since age 5
Quit for 3 to complicate
Back to the basics

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

AF: Submit it as evidence in one of the several court cases he is, and will be, involved in.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

AF: Girl or no girl?

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

AF: Me from different decades. Is time travel allowed?

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

AF: UAE

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

AF: A man visits his doctor complaining about health problems. The doctor starts reeling of questions about the man's lifestyle, and proceeds to ask him to describe his sex life.

The man replies, "Infrequently". The doctor says, "That's great news! Such an active sex life will keep you healthy."

Get it?

July 16 2006

Why has it taken so long to do a posting about our last game? Because we've been attempting to string together enough words into logical sequences to make a 3-0 win seem exciting. We've said it before and we'll say it again, a win's a win. You can't tell how pretty or ugly it is by looking at the box score, so let's just say this was the equivalent of a Britney Spears win. The before-or-after-Britney?, you may be asking. And the ambiguity settles in nicely, except for our ambiguous-free second sentence.

We're looking ahead to our game this weekend, which isn't hard as the weekend is pretty much already here. Gotta get that runs-for average back up to our elitist standards. See you Sunday at 7pm in Langley!

Kelly: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Kelly Grace: Usually home…I’m way too sore to do much of anything but on occasion we do head out for beers – something I think we as a team should do more often.

CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

KG: Working unfortunately. This summer however will be weddings or stags most Saturdays.

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

KG: My wife (but she’s still my fiancé so if anyone wants that trade hit me up now)

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

KG: Well I don’t need to sell my fiancé anymore so deals off.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

KG: Actually I think I won most of the spelling bees – me smrt

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

KG: To keep my average above .400 – I got some work to do.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

KG: Wolverine (tough and hairy)

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

KG: My late grandfather – an all round great guy.

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

KG: Any baseball movie

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

KG: X-men

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

KG: Playing for the Indians 30+ league. That’s right, 50 years old playing for the 30+ league. Do you think it’s possible?

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

KG: Well if you promise not to tell anyone…ya right, you can’t be trusted.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

KG: I used to hit good
But now I’m getting older
And that really sucks

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

KG: Well I just hit #1000 up in the show so his 756th homerun really means nothing to me. Here ya go kid.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

KG: Comedies.

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

KG: My grandfather, parents, and my brother

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

KG: Africa…Safari


CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

KG: A bear and a rabbit were each taking a sh*t in the forest. The bear turns to the rabbit and says “Do you have trouble with sh*t sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says “no”. So the bear wipes his arse with the rabbit.

Jeffrey: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter #1: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Jeffrey Heatley: well, considering that 9 times out of 10 i end up at work after a game, ill go with anywhere but there. oh, and if there happen to be cold alcoholic beverages available, that helps.

CC #2: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

JH: theres an 11 in the am now? whats that like?

CC #3: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

JH: a trillion dollars, thats just bad business

CC #4: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

JH: learn how to play baseball

CC #5: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

JH: the un-availability of "hooked on phonics" at the time

CC #6: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

JH: see question #4

CC #7: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

JH: the half black attack

CC #8: What person do you most admire and why?

JH: the editor of this fine weblog. because its hours of entertainment
[editor: you mocked me once, never do it again..]

CC #9: What is your favorite sports movie?

JH: slap shot; followed closely by bull durham (*note: slap shot 2 is nowhere near this list)

CC #10: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

JH: the big lebowski

CC #11: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

JH: throwing out my arm foolishly trying to gun out a runner in a 40 and over game

CC #12: What is your deepest darkest secret?

JH: its actually just a good tan...

CC #13: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

JH: to win or to lose
is seldom as important
as making them cry

CC #14: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

JH: sell it immediately for as much as it would take to make that little boys dream of booting him in the balls a reality
[editor: we're pretty sure he means this little boy]

CC #15: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

JH: comedies, preferably of the non-romantic variety

CC #16: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

JH: jon stewart, lewis black, stephan colbert, and dubya to be their fodder. (*note, all 4 are alive, as i think dead bodies might be gross at the dinner table)

CC #17: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

JH: used to be australia for no honest reason... now maybe fiji... if only for the beaches

CC #18: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

JH: horse walks into a bar, bartender asks "hey, why the long face?"
ha... he... hooo. come on i cant be on all the time!
thank you, GOODNIGHT! dont forget to tip your blogger!

update - A CC Exclusive

At this point some of you may be thinking that A CC Exclusive has suffered some sort of season-ending injury. We may also be thinking that. In truth, we haven't had much luck with bites recently. We'll keep throwing the bait out there, and hope to feel a tug on the line sometime soon. In the meantime, enjoy the warm summer sunshine, and Happy Canada Day! (Better early than never.)

Our next game is Sunday July 9th at 6pm at Central Park against the White Rock Rockies.

BTW, you know Josh's hand injury we told you about in the last post? Turns out he's out for 6-8 weeks, but will still be coming out to games to do some "cheerleading and stuff". All you need to know: Drop him from your fantasy team, unless you get mega points for arabesques.

June 25 2006

Such a perfect day for baseball; cries of "let’s play two" were oftheard from our clubhouse. In fact, we quadrupled that amount and got in eight before the day was done. We’re talking innings, what are you talking about?

We welcomed back Lee from the imploded Revolt, some more welcoming than others (Kelly and his "presenting", any excuse that guy can find). It seems that the Revolt folded due to insufficient players for several consecutive games, so Lee was a might bit anxious when the Indians had less than nine players with just half an hour until gametime. Usually we have 12 or 13 guys at the park an hour before gametime, so naturally we blamed Lee for bringing his bad luck with him. The game was at a park we hadn’t yet played at this year, so a couple of guys got lost but showed up in the nick of time. Rob E and Clay had to leave halfway through the game, so we needed at least 11 to show, and got exactly 11 to show. However one of the guys, Josh, pulled up lame, having punched the metal holder of a punching bag. Irregardless, we had enough players to play, so play ball!

Top of the first we threatened. Bases loaded with one away, anything was possible! We scored one run. A few innings later we went up 2-0. Our bats just weren’t there. Which sucked, cuz Enrique was pitching well, nary a scoring chance being given up. We’ll blame the heat and humidity; we’re sure that both were much higher in our dugout. Eventually the Biscuits tacked together a few hits, scored a few runs, and waddya know, it’s a 4-4 game heading into the late innings. This can’t be happening. This is a team that we beat 14-0 a mere three weeks earlier.

But have no fear! After we took a one-run lead, Jeff located his curveball (which is said to have been in his mushy yogurt bar) and knocked in an insurance run and we snuck out of Robert Burnaby Park with a hard fought 6-4 victory. We did benefit from many costly errors on their part; from dropped flies to passed balls/wild pitches. But a win's a win, at least where we're from, so we'll take it to the bank and cash out.

The End.

(PS to Rod – Sorry again about the momentous brain fart. It’ll never happen again. But blame Talky McTalkerson and the Biscuits’ catcher, it was their fault that I found out the score. If they don’t tell me the score, I can’t slip up and tell you the score. Right? Right. But how ’bout that Portugal/Netherlands game. What a doozy!)

June 18 2006

We played a game on Thursday? Prove it.
We played a game today? Yeah we did!

Sparked by Kelly's "presenting" during warmups, we put our two consecutive losses behind us and jumped out to an early lead, scoring early and often. The Cardinals (sans site de web) were shorthanded, forcing their coach into playing the outfield, to less than stellar results. At first he was in right, but after several line drives headed out that way in the second inning ("is there a bullseye out there" - Cards 3rd baseman) he was found roaming centrefield the rest of the way. We figure it was so he had help on both sides.

His presence in the outfield actually wasn't much of a factor. Our hits were scattered all over, helped along by some uninspired infielding on their part. Once again our pitchers - hey, Chris and Enrique, who knew? - were all-starific, shutting the opposition down inning after inning.

We had a lot of good hits today, but can't seem to remember who did what per se. Recall a Josh smackaroo to left centre, and a Clay triple down the left field line, but without a scorebook as we write this, and paying little attention during the game, we are at a loss for too much specifics..

A couple of nice catches; by Tyler in left and Brad in right. Steady play by the infield, including a soft line drive double play that included a nice scoop by Jeff at first base on a play that included the runner running towards second while the base coach yelled "baaack.. baaack". (We bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so we had to buy them again. Steven Wright is awesome.)

We're not too sure why we're so far below the Cards in the standings. Sure they were missing a player or two, but still, we just didn't see it. They certainly didn't look like the team that beat us a few weeks back.

That's just about all we've got for today. FYI, the game on Thursday was a well-played game by both sides, but Newton scored more runs than us. That other loss we still choose not to discuss.

Happy Father's Day! All father's were given free admission to today's game. We are high-rollers. Never forget it.

Next game is Sunday at 10am.
Robert Burnaby in Burnaby.
Rematch vs the Biscuits.
Be there.

June 11 2006

We choose not to discuss Sunday's game (unless anyone wants to chatter... anyone? anyone? Bueller?)

Our make-up game for the rained-out make-up game is scheduled for this Thursday at Whalley at 7pm. Newton will never know what hit 'em.

June 4 2006

It was a cold and humid day. The clouds were working overtime to hold in their rain; a trickle would escape here and there. Anticipating their first game in three weeks, the Surrey Indians were determined to get this one in.

With the threat of rain lurking all afternoon, the Indians' game plan against the Burnaby Biscuits (who do not have a team website) was to 1) jump out to an early lead, and hope the rain held off long enough to make the game official; 2) keep up their runs for average; and 3) decrease their runs against average. Come to think of it, you can pretty much count on that being their game plan every game.

Game plan 1 was successful, to a degree. The end of the first inning saw the Indians with a 4-0 lead, including a two-run HF by Mr. Ratelle. After that midday moonshot, a few scoreless innings with nothing dramatic (or memorable... or emailable) happening.

Eventually game plan 2 was enacted, and the Indians tacked on a few more runs in the sixth or seventh. Could have been the fifth too. Pretty sure it wasn't the fourth. We really need to be doing these posts earlier in the week.

As for game plan 3, both teams discovered early on that the strike zone was larger than Quentin Tarantino's imagination, and Mr. Ratelle and Mr. Roblero exploited that fact perfectly, fanning a combined twelve Biscuits.

In the eighth, still not happy with the runs scored total, the Indians got their offense going again. The exact moment that their lead was extended to 10-0, the Biscuits began walking off the field, apparently thinking that there was a mercy rule. (FYI, there is a six-runs-max-per-inning rule, except for the ninth/last inning, but no ten-run-lead-after-the-fifth-the-game-is-over rule.) The Indians, however, did not accept their resignation, owing to the fact that they hadn't played a game in three weeks. They wanted to get their hacks in... and their bucks worth.

Notable batting performances
Mr. Heatley: 2-for-2
Mr. C Edger: 2-for-3
Mr. Ratelle: HF to end all HFs

Upon the Biscuits' 27th out, the score was 14-0 and the Surrey Indians had successfully executed all 3 of their game plans. The Indians are currently tied with the Sabres for the lead in runs scored (51), despite playing two less games, which means they have the best runs for average (12.75). And, after Sunday's aforementioned phenomenal pitching, they now have the second best runs against average (5.75).

Next game is this Sunday.
9am at Central Park vs the Rockies.

Josh: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Josh Karls: The closest bar with the cheepest beer.


CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

JK: Nursing my hangover from friday or playing ball.

CC: Fill in the blank: I wouldn't sell ___________ for a billion dollars.

JK: I wouldn't sell my son Jacob for a billion dollars.

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

JK: Call you guys and tell you you're S.O.L.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

JK: What's a spelling bee?

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

JK: Hit at least one dinger.

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

JK: The big K (or my girl calls me Jumpy Joshie)

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

JK: I admire Steve Nash because he's a two year mvp and he's a little white guy who runs the court.

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

JK: Major League!

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

JK: Scarface.

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 20 years from now.

JK: I can't think that far ahead but I'll say playing ball then being lazy and old.

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

JK: My real name is actually Michael Dunahee.

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

JK: Dig in to the box
Smash anything that looks good
Sprint all the way home

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

JK: I would sell it right away before he gets caught for steroids then the ball would be worthless.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

JK: Comedies.

CC: You can invite four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

JK: Babe Ruth, Alissa Milano, Steve Nash and Hannibal Lector

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

JK: Germany because thats where I'm from.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

JK: Why is it so hot at Burnaby Bisquits games? Because there's not a fan in the place.

May 23 2006

The make-up game of our rained-out opening day game got rained-out last night and will be made-up sometime in the future.

Enrique: A CC Exclusive

Clubhouse Chatter: What is your favorite post-game hangout?

Enrique Roblero: Boston Pizza


CC: It's 11am Saturday. What are you likely to be doing?

ER: Lifting weights or washing the car

CC: What person do you most admire and why?

ER: Myself, just 'cause

CC: You've been called up to The Show; what is the first thing you do?

ER: Buy tickets and cameras for all my friends, family and any acquaintance.

CC: What stopped you from winning the grade five spelling bee?

ER: The little ***** girl with long hair and SteveUrkel glasses

CC: As a baseball player what is your baseball goal this baseball season?

ER: To Win, Win, Win

CC: If you were a WWE wrestler, what would your wrestling name be?

ER: NACHO MAN RICO SAVAGE

CC: What is your favorite sports movie?

ER: 61*

CC: What is your favorite non-sports movie?

ER: Madagascar, can't wait for Over the Hedge

CC: Describe an average Sunday in your life 30 years from now.

ER: Playing ball in the over 60 league.

CC: What is your deepest darkest secret?

ER: Can't reveal that, otherwise it wouldn't be as dark...

CC: Compose a haiku of your baseball career thus far.

ER: What the hell's a haiku,,., ok, googled it ....here goes
I often feel heat
Heat I often try throwing
I'm disappointed

CC: Let's say that Barry Bonds hits #756 and you end up with the ball. What do you do with it?

ER: Check it for traces of steroids.

CC: Do you prefer scary movies or comedies?

ER: 50-50 Love them both

CC: You can invite any four dinner guests, dead or alive. Who are they?

ER: Jessica Biel, Alessandra Ambrosio, Beyonce Knowles, Eva Longoria. Does it have to be only 4? wait is my wife gonna read this?

CC: What country that you've never been to would you most like to go to and why?

ER: Australia, tons of family there.

CC: Tell us a good joke. Keep it clean.

ER:
1) A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened. "Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball." "And?" asked the doctor. "Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey—this one here looks like yours!'"

2) Q. How do rednecks practice safe sex?
A. They spray-paint Xs on the back of the sheep that kick!

May 14 2006

Hello readers! Sorry for last week's nonpost. We were too busy warming up our cores and digits after the cold, wet, loss. Are we forgiven? Thanks.

After last week's disappointing outcome and today's disappointing result, we have two consecutive disappointing losses after our first-game win. It is, how you say, disappointing?

It started out promising enough today, with Kel giving a legendary pep-talk ("man, we're gonna get smoked") and Chris pitching a no-hitter through two, but the bats weren't providing the necessary runs. See, in baseball, you need runs to win. True story; you learned something today didn't you? Anyway, we did eventually get the bats going, but so did the (who did we play today? let us check, hold on... oh right) Sabres. In the end, they got the timely hits and we did not. That's the way it goes sometimes.

We are working on getting some game-action pics on our website. The one thing holding us back is taking some game-action pics. Profile pics were taken a couple of weeks ago, so look for those to pop-up at any moment, much like our at-bats today.

Our next game is the make-up game of our rained-out opening day game vs Newton Royals: Tuesday May 23rd at 8:45 pm at Whalley.

Let it be known that no one on the Indians roster brings a pencil sharpener to the games, or at least today's game. It really would've helped us out today, but we'll stop short of blaming the loss on it.

Is it possible for us to write any more words without actually saying anything?

Hey, we almost forgot to mention the defensive play of the game. The winner is..... Kel! On a hard line-drive, Kel powered up, released the controller button, and leapt what must have been at least three-and-a-half inches off the dirt to snare the ball for the out. Kudos Kel. (A nod to Jeff for the "powered up" inspiration.) First runner-up is Tyler for his diving catch attempt in left. He didn't quite make the catch but it was definitely worthy of an honorable mention.

Later that same day:
We definitely should have wished all mother's a Happy Mother's Day, this being Mother's Day. All mother's who attended today's game were given a special treat: free admission to the game. We often overhear people saying, "those Surrey Indians, how virtuous do you think they are?" We now consider that question to be sufficiently answered.

April 30 2006

Twas a b-e-a-youtiful day for our opening day.
We notched a 20-3 victory over the Langley Playaz.

Our sparkling new jerseys made an immediate impact. We executed our warm-up runs and pregame drills with a whole new sense of purpose. As we stretched and gossiped during our centrefield huddle, talk turned to the new Burnaby team, the Biscuits. A future was envisioned. A delicious future. A future pastry league. The Burnaby Biscuits would play against the Coquitlam Croissants, with the winner taking on us, the Surrey Scones. Alas, we missed the boat, what with our new uniforms and all. When these fine fabrics become excessively frayed, the Scones we shall become. (Additional pastry team: Delta Donuts. Any others? Give us some more by chattering at the end of this post.)

The game got off to a rough start, with Aaron aggravating a leg injury in the top of the first that took him out of the game. Kelly, who was in a car accident on Saturday, was not dressed to play Sunday. Get well soon guys!

All in all, we had a decent offensive output, with a total of 21 hits spread out over the nine innings. FYI, last season it took us several weeks, possibly over a month, before we played a nine-inning game. Enrique and Josh both led the way on Sunday, each of them going 4-for-5, and at one point they smacked back-to-back triples. Clay also had a great start to the season, going 3-for-5 with a walk and 4 runs scored.

The pitching staff appears to be in mid-season form. Chris, Enrique, and Josh each pitched very well, holding the Playaz to just three hits.

The heads-in-the-game award is shared by Jeff and RobA, for instructing Rod to get his ass onto third base as he was making his way, helmet under the arm, to the dugout. He had mistakenly thought he was forced out at second when in fact the shortstop "phhhhhh - wasn’t even close" to the bag (quote: base ump).

If you’ve been paying attention to the forum on our website, you know that there is quite a competition brewing over who will lead the league in batting by season’s end. Not helping Scott’s cause was a very questionable infield-fly call on one of his batted balls. The ball landed in short rightfield, well out of the reach of the hustling infielders. No Indian was aware the call had been made until the umps stated the case after all the baserunners had advanced.

Next game: 6:30pm Saturday May 6th vs Coquitlam Cardinals at Blue Mountain Park.

April 25 2006

Practice at Tamanawis.

It was a fairly uneventful practice until close to the end. A certain second baseman was having a tough time in the field, with groundballs tipping off the end of his glove that some say would have been in his back pocket last year. He was understandably angry when he began to take BP, and this anger only intensified after he swung through the first pitch. He basically lost it. Then with his neck muscles bulging, his face turning red, and his mouth struggling to contain the growing amount of foam, he ripped a line drive so hard that the ball literally exploded.

In other news, it was my first practice of the year, and it seems obvious to me that what was missing from the team is now back. Just one man's opinion.

The picture is of the broken ball. Click to enlarge.

April 16 2006

We was rained out on opening day. No actual precipitation at game time, but there had been enough wetness in the days and weeks leading up to the grand event that playing the game would've meant destroying both the turf, and, more importantly, our precious cleats. Plus our toes would've gotten a little chilly. You don't want our toes to get chilly do you?

Make-up game is scheduled for 4pm, Sunday April 23rd at Unwin. It's sure to be a doozy. Do us a favor, s'il vous plaît: do a sun dance every morning this week. We sure would like to get our season started.

Update - 8:40pm.
We have intercepted an email that contained the following information: Unfortunately we aren’t able to field a team next Sunday to play the makeup so it will have to wait until later in the season. At least 6 of us are unable to attend.

We know what you're thinking.. should I still do a sun dance every morning this week? Well, it's up to you. But you should know that we will still be doing them. The sooner all of the fields are dry the better; after all, we also have to practice on them.

April 11 2006

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Spring Training Continues

We've had a few more practices. Nothing too exciting to report thus far.

There was talk of having the team blog moved to this new site. We can definitely say that it might happen. You see, as it is now, this blog site is completely separate from the official team site. It'd be nice to have all Surrey Indians webstuff found in one place, so that's what we're working on. That is, when we're not working on having Natalie Portman join our roster as trainer... or watergirl... or utility infielder... or coach... or announcer... or whatever the heck she wants to do.

An exhibition game is going down tomorrow night. We can say the same thing about the North Langley Revolt. Zing! It's been said that Lee will have an on-base percentage of 1.00 whenever he faces us this year.

Spring Training 2006

We're ba-aaaaack!

So far we've had two practices. Our third is happening tonight. Haven't hit the field yet, but gotten some good BP going. And the pitchers have thrown a few.

Looks like we'll be the new-look Indians this year, two fold. For one, new uniforms (hats included) are in the works. For two, several players from last season are not returning, their roster spots being filled by rookies. Well okay, so maybe at least one of the rookies has played before in the league, but they are Indianrookies, so rookies they be.

The team appears to be quite confident that we will go undefeated in the first half of the season. You heard it here first. Unless you heard it at the Whalley batting cages first, in which case you heard it here second. Unless it doesn't happen, in which case this post will be edited and you will have never heard it at all. What are we talking about, there will be no need for editing.

And, according to our official website's forum, Scott is determined to "beat Rob E in batting this season". Let the games begin!